I found out on Saturday, and i’m less than 5 weeks. We’ve been dating for exactly one year. There was a mishap at the beginning of May, and the plan b didn’t work. I’ve only told him, and my roommate (reluctantly) but otherwise I’ll probably take this to my grave because all of my friends hate him, and i’d rather perish than tell my parents that I’m seeing a man the same age as them. I’m not feeling any strong emotions about it, but I feel really weird. Mostly just grateful that I live in a state where abortion is legal. My appointment is on Friday.
Spaghettios, green peas, and a pickle juice lemonade
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Thiiis. I've dated someone my friends and family weren't thrilled about, and honestly, it's for a reason. It took me longer to figure that reason out. But it's not worth it being with someone that you don't feel like you can bring around your family or friends.
Not saying that other people should determine who one dates, but if they have something to say about them, it might be worth listening to what they have to say.
Sincerely, a woman who married a man my family and friends didn’t like much and he almost ruined my life and mental health.
To be fair, my family don’t like my husband because he doesn’t earn enough money for their liking and comes from a less affluent background, so the reason isn’t always a good one. Having said that, my friends do like him though.
Yeah because if not one friend likes him then there is a problem. Of course the problem was already obvious from the age gap and the fear of telling her parents makes me think she is likely in her late teens or early 20s
Yeah if her age starts with a 1 or a 2 my bet is that the guy is a predator and taking advantage of her innocence...speaking from experience it can be isolating until you leave the situation
I’m sorry. This sounds tough. I had to read this when I read the title…because my parents had a 28 year age gap. They were married because my mom came from intense poverty and my father had money, though. Her family was supportive because of this. Also because it was 1970…ten years before my birth. But my mother never wanted children (he already had two daughters who were one year and two years older than my mother respectively). At several times of my life I wish my mother had considered this option. Mostly due to my outwardly charming and charismatic father who was…well, that’s all I think I need to say after typing and deleting more.
Please take care of yourself. Period. I am glad you have access to safe care. You are worth it.
There are a lot of things this stirred in me and got me thinking what I wish I could say to my mother when she was young. But I know that I don’t listen to people until I learn myself and I doubt she would have either.
I work with a girl who is 22. Her mom just turned 50 and her dad is 86. I'm 36 and I have a grandma younger than her father. Its crazy. Naturally they have zero relationship and she has a strained relationship with her mom mostly out of just desperately wanting at least one parent. Its so cruel to do that to a child. Her dad is so far removed from her generation and is so toxic that there was just no hope for her with him. Its sad.
Makes sense to me. Dirty Midori Martinis are my signature drink, and I've done variations with lemonade or citrussy seltzers.
Edit: (gotchu)
Recipe: go to a bar that has Midori. Order a gin martini, extra dirty (olive or pickle, your choice. I like olive) and then sweet-talk the bartender into adding a gentle splash of Midori.
Turns this gentle, unearthly, not-bright-enough-to-be-neon green, and makes a great conversation starter.
Just a PSA because it isn't widely known or advertised: plan B does NOT work if you are already ovulating; it stops ovulation from occurring so if you're already in your ovulation stage plan B usually won't do anything.
I've also heard of it not working if you're over ~165lbs.
Just spreading this around because a lot of people are not aware and it is important information.
Just adding to this, it does still help reduce the likelihood even if you are overweight, however the effectiveness is significantly reduced.
For a more effective option for overweight women, we can call in for a prescription of Ella, but its important to get within 5 days of the accident. It's good to just keep a prescription of Ella on hand ahead of time in case you ever do need it if this is a concern.
Edit: Answering the question to the comment that got removed bc they aren't approved yet, where I am located, your doctor will prescribe you Ella pretty freely if you just tell them you are sexually active and need it on hand in case. Many doctors where I am are very positive towards contraceptive use.
This needs to be higher up!! I got my ovulation time off by one day so plan b didn’t work for me. I ended up with an ectopic pregnancy and it was genuinely horrible and now it’s highly likely that I will never have kids.
I wish this was more common knowledge! Plan B (at least the name brand) is so expensive. And it messed my cycle up/badly agitated my hormones when I last had to take it a few years ago lol. That lasted for about a year. Still better than getting another abortion, so I was just glad it worked.
The weight guidelines freak me out because I’m 140-150 (fluctuates) and my Doctor always reminds me that I’m a bit underweight. I know it’s anecdotal but wouldn’t it stand to reason that this weight limit excludes a lot of people- some of which may be average/healthy weight??
Sorry... you're 6'3"?
I mean, I'm a 6'0" woman so I could also be a "normal BMI" and over 165lbs, but, yeah, at extreme heights nothing is guaranteed. On the bright side, if it messed up your hormones, it probably works for you! That's what it's supposed to do.
I tried that but I’m worried about breaking it because my aim is not great lol. I’ll give it another go in the morning though, appreciate the suggestion! <3 if I end up with pickles all over my floor then so be it
Turn a burner on on low and put the lid of the jar against it for a sec. The heat expanda the metal making it easy peasy to open. Grab a towel so you won't burn yourself and voila.
Here is the correct way to pickle lemonade!
Big ole cup, 1 whole lemon cut into quarters and muddled with 1 tbs of sugar, 1/4 cup pickle juice, big ol ice, and water to the top :p i’ve been pounding these every summer for a few years now. I always have dry pickles sitting in my fridge because I can’t eat them fast enough to keep up with my juice intake.
It also helps get rid of hiccups! My siblings and I have always loved pickle brine (to my mother’s chagrin) and it’s a regular mocktail ingredient for me.
Jesus, 4 deleted comments in less than an hour under this 😭 whod have thought that op making a choice for her own future and well-being could be so controversial
Probably people who haven't subscribed/commented to this sub yet, in my experience even after you reply to the mod reply to your first comment it doesn't seem to get restored, just still shows as deleted
Why are you dating a man who’s 26 years older than you that you’re too ashamed of to tell your parents, and that all of your friends who love you hate?
My question exactly. Relationships aren't something that can easily be hidden. Plus, why live in shame of your partner? Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
26 year age gap is insane 😭if u don’t mind me asking, why?? Dating someone around the same age as ur parents has got to be weird. I’m sorry that the plan b didn’t work, but hopefully all goes well with the abortion.
This is what I don't get. I thought older men were attractive because they were smart and can teach you things. He's still having accidental pregnancies with girlfriends at his age. He must be immature af.
Right ?? Like these r such red flags - the fact that the friends hate him and the relationship is hidden from the family? That’s concerning. And I can’t get over the 26 year age gap it’s lowkey gross to me 😭
Even more so how old is op?? I mean glossing over the ages entirely is even more worrisome. She's 40 he's 60? Wtvr she's 20s he's 40 naw but I'm still questioning if she's even younger. (Minor..?)
Good question- regardless of OP’s age, a 26 year age gap is fucking insane and rather concerning. Like who dates someone who’s practically old enough to be their parent??
Goddddddddd. Such a damn lie btw. My man has a huge fucking cock and is responsible with it, we use condoms because I'm not on bc currently. His dick still works at full power, and he still nuts the same way without them. He's also not porn-brained or an alcoholic, so he can get off like a normal human being.
Here here to our right to choose. I am grateful you are making a choice confidently. Maybe your 26 year age gap fella is willing to get a vasectomy? Wishing you all the luck on your procedure and here's to him worshipping you while you kick your feet up to recover.
you don’t have to feel the “correct” emotion for this to be heavy. numb and weird still count. 🫶 i’m glad you have options, i’m glad your roommate knows, and i hope you let yourself be cared for after friday. also, respectfully, pickle juice lemonade is the kind of girl dinner that says: i am in crisis but i have range.
yeah if your friends hate him and you’re too ashamed to tell your parents it’s time to wrap it up. they see things without rose-tinted glasses and have your best interest in mind. that being said, take care of yourself!
Now remove the man child, protect your peace and never settle for less than the best in a partner.
Usually, if your friends hate him/her and you are ashamed to tell your parents who you're dating, that is a huge red flag. You should be wanting to shout it from the rooftops... I also dated pieces of shit in my teens and early 20s. Then I met my guy, I was happy to introduce him to my parents and my friends loved him. It's a whole different world and you deserve the best!
I found out I was pregnant 3 days after breaking up with my ex who was cheating on me in abhorrent ways, and I aborted it. It’s normal, it happens, and you do NOT have to tell anyone unless you want to. Very few people in my life are aware I’ve ever had one. Your body, your choice. Stay strong girlie.
Also I agree about unpacking why all your friends hate him, probably not a good sign boo 😭
Girl! My initial reaction upon reading the title will be displayed down below, but, good luck babe. Idk your stance about the relationship or your goal so I won’t comment on it. But all of my best wishes to you, sweetheart, truly. Take care. ✨
If all your friends hate him that's a huge red flag so maybe listen to them... but good luck with the abortion, good on you for making that difficult decision ❤️
Biggest question is why is bro presumably 40-50 and won’t get a vasectomy when ya’ll are in no position to have children and not even in a relationship anyone in your family knows about. This is on him. You need to be smart and safe too but what the HELL is a man that age not worried at all about protection for. Is he trustworthy enough to stick around or provide for you if this happens again? If the answer is no then do not sleep with him unless he gets the snip lol
Hey, I say this with all the love in my heart as someone who was, emphasis on was, in a 27 year age gap relationship. Breakup with him. Its not worth it. The people in my life were far kind and accepting of him. Run.
Feeling weird about it is totally valid. I know I would be making the same decision and would feel the exact same way. There are no rules about how you should feel about this, all feelings are valid! Make sure to take care of yourself for the following weeks and I hope he is a good support system for you
Good luck dear, I’m also very glad you live where you live and you’re able to do what’s best for you <3 also forgot about spaghettios and I’m like majorly tempted to go get some now lmao.
You're making the right choice, you have to be financially and emotionally responsible for children and not to mention if you did have the baby you will forever be tied to this man you are currently dating even if you break up. Im not fully against age gaps personally, but I do find it icky that he's dating and impregnated someone who could be his daughter. And if you haven't already, maybe ask your friends why they dislike him. Maybe it will open your eyes a bit. Best of luck. I hope you look back on this and feel relief rather than shame. And hey, think about it this way you'll be baby free and will learn a huge lesson from this 💕
It's great that you have the health side of the situation sorted, but if you are so clearly repulsed by your partner and the age gap then why are you in the relationship to begin with?
In case nobody has told you abt the pill (if that's the route your taking) do not go anywhere, have a toilet nearby after you take it. The second pill makes you shit about 15-20 min after the cramps start. I decided to go grab dog food thinking I had time :/
Also, It feels like a pretty heavy period for the first few days and may or may not last 2-3 weeks of bleeding so stock up on pads!!
I've been in your shoes. I was 17, he was 48. I'm now 57 and have my almost 38 year old daughter living with me with multiple mental health diagnoses. I don't think she can live independently anymore. She gave up custody to her two kids to her SIL. The downside is that I rarely get to see them at all anymore.
Any man that is that much older than you doesn't think you are "mature for your age" or "understand him better than anyone else". He is just looking to fulfill his pedo proclivities with someone who is "technically" of age. He had several MH conditions including narcissism which have made my daughter's life hell on many levels. Getting away from that was a years long struggle, and the lies to CPS were haunting.
Please get out. And get therapy. Much love sweetie....
Hey so...coming from someone who dated a guy 15 years older than me and didn't understand why all her friends hated him until we broke up and I started unpacking how abusive and toxic he was...run
Literally just got out of the car trying to explain my 17 year age gap relationship in my twenties to my 12 year old. (I’m in my 40s.) It wasn’t a forever relationship for me, but I learned some important things about myself and I was better for it afterwards. I hope you can learn and grow from this relationship too.
I’m glad you are able to do what is best for you! Wish you had someone other than roommate and the old guy to tell IRL. But glad you told us. And glad you have enlightened me with this pickle lemonade.
Prioritising yourself is a good thing, especially if it means having a healthy relationship with your future children, your family and friends. There must be a few reasons your community doesn’t like him, time to look into why.
Just because it's the right decision, doesn't make it an easy one. At least mentally. I don't ever regret mine, and the decision was instant, but it was still a lot to unpack in the meantime. I'm a very reflective person. And it does just feel, weird. Be gentle with yourself and care for your body ✨️ Also, I fuck with this meal. It looks like comfort lol
If you’re in my province in Canada, I would accompany you. No judgement whatsoever.
Are there any Abortion Aunties networks in your area to go with you? Please stay safe going to your clinic. Hugs.
Glad your making the decision based on what you want. If that’s the case. My questions are will you continue seeing him, and if so why? 26 years gap suggests he’s almost twice your age. Which I get if you have a benefit to this as his benefit is your age . Also if your friends hate him there’s likely a decent reason behind it that you may not see til it’s over. If he were someone else would you keep the baby?
I have had an abortion before and have zero regrets. I hope this is quick and easy for you and you feel the same way after. I know how scary an unplanned pregnancy is
I've felt nothing but relief after mine was over. I was in constant panic during my pregnancy because it felt like a life ruining "death" sentence! The RELIEF. Was intoxicating.
Oof, girl. I did the big age gap thing years back (29 years older than I was). And recently did the abortion thing back in April. I am sending you all of the good vibes!
I’m glad you are in a state where you can get an abortion. But you shouldn’t be in a relationship with a man that much older than you when all your friends hate him and you’re embarrassed to tell your family. It’s your life, of course, but you should probably also terminate this relationship with a quickness.
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WHEEEWW girl, buckle up! You made it to /r/all, /r/popular!
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