My daughter bought her first pizza with her own money yesterday. Woke up to this this morning. The note says DON’T EAT. The knife says it’s not a suggestion.

[u/Terrorhub]

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[u/glassyrunnerduck]

Her first death threat. They grow up so fast 🥲

[u/ajc89 → u/glassyrunnerduck]

This feels like something Morticia Adams would say 🥰

[u/Goodknight808 → u/ajc89]

"Oh, no dear", takes the knife away and hands her a bigger one. "That was far too small to get the job done."

[u/Consistent_Charge422 → u/Goodknight808]

I totally agree doing half a job doesn't work though the knife n get a Mussile that fixes everything

[u/F-in-the-chat-69420 → u/ajc89]

Or Dexter

[u/whiskeytango55 → u/glassyrunnerduck]

oh herb, she's threatening bodily harm! get the camera!

[u/Stabby-Steve → u/glassyrunnerduck]

I'm a little teary eyed over here...

[u/solarmist → u/glassyrunnerduck]

Very wholesome in an Addams family way.

[u/TheAserghui → u/[deleted]]

I can relate to this photo.

I had two roommates, working a minimum wage job. Had a rough day, bought a pizza and put the 2 leftover slices in the fridge.

Came home the next day to them being eaten. The roommate that ate it cited "his family treats anything in the fridge as fair game." To which I angrily replied, "We aren't your family and you did not pay for that."

Until I moved out, I didn't put anything in the fridge with a broken seal

[u/Comfortable_Trick137 → u/TheAserghui]

Had something similar with roommates where they say anything in the fridge is fair game. I bought a mini fridge and stored paper towels, toilet paper, dish soap I purchased in my closet. They would break into my room to take stuff from my closet and fridge, one time I didn’t go to school and they broke into my room while I was still in bed. I asked why the fuck they were stealing from my room and they turned on me going “NO YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HOME YOURE SETTING ME UP YOU EVIL FUCK”. Swapped to dead bolt on my bedroom door lol

[u/runesday → u/Comfortable_Trick137]

When I first started dating my partner, he lived in a house with a couple roommates. I went to visit for the first time and first thing I noticed was everyone had locks on their door where you had to enter the code. One roommate even had one on “his” bathroom on “his” side of the house. The politics of that house were so intense lol. One guy was OCD and that made everything very tense as is. There were rules about everything, especially in the kitchen. Anyway, my partner had a minifridge with all the same supplies as you mention in his room like he was ready to bunker down if a war started outside his door. He simply told me it was easier to keep track of things that way. It was an interesting scenario as I’d never been put in a position to need to do that. Only child perk I guess? Also my roommate at the time was in culinary school and he would bake up all kinds of things if I purchased the ingredients, which I took as a fair exchange. Guess some people are luckier than others with the roommate dynamic.

[u/Ziggystardust97 → u/runesday]

I had to do something similar with a former roommate, but it was because the lazy fuck would just take/use everything. I couldn't even keep bananas in the kitchen without him eating them all in one day. He, of course, was pissed when I started locking my shit up, but it stopped him from stealing and using all my shit.

Fucker took my broom when we all moved out though.

[u/runesday → u/Ziggystardust97]

Hahah not the broom, how petty of him! It’s funny how that works out, the people who use other people’s stuff the most end up being the most offended at the thought of being denied access. One of the roommates was always preaching about “community” and sharing. It doesn’t work like that if you’re not contributing the same to the potluck buddy. He was the only one without a lock and always said anyone was welcome in his room for his stuff but there was never anything in his room the household needed. It was just a fake front to be able to use whatever he wanted.

[u/DerToro → u/Comfortable_Trick137]

I wish there was a rehabilitation we could call for people like this that isn’t straight jail since that don’t fix nobody. Its like if people were never taught how to live with others and its ridiculous.

[u/TheAserghui → u/Comfortable_Trick137]

Holy hell, dude!

[u/Ajedi32 → u/Comfortable_Trick137]

YOURE SETTING ME UP YOU EVIL FUCK

Actual criminal mentality. I'm not evil for stealing, you're evil for catching me stealing.

[u/Andraystia → u/TheAserghui]

I'm still mad at my brother (who was 30) eating my pizza while i was at work that i was thinking about all shift.

[u/abbyabsinthe → u/Andraystia]

I started getting pineapple on pizza just so my family would leave it alone (I always ordered 2-3 for everyone, but once their pizzas ran out, they’d go after mine).

[u/Kopitar4president → u/abbyabsinthe]

My family all has the spice tolerance of a stereotypical suburban white family so I just started getting spicy food.

Except for my brother, he can eat spicy. But he respects leftovers.

[u/Your_Cat_In_Disguise → u/Kopitar4president]

Try pineapple and jalapeno on white sauce. Extra bomb on thin crust 

[u/-PineNeedleTea- → u/Your_Cat_In_Disguise]

Pineapple, jalapeño and pepperoni is an amazing combo! Sweet, spicy and savory in every bite! Add hot sauce for extra deliciousness.

[u/TempleFugit → u/Andraystia]

My older brother had a bag of ruffles and a jar of French onion dip that I ate while he was at work.
I didn't understand why he was so pissed off until I was older.
RiP, JJ 💙

[u/H00LIGVN → u/TempleFugit]

You ate his snack AND killed him? /j (RIP JJ 💓💓💓)

[u/calilac → u/H00LIGVN]

Siblings get absolutely savage over snacks.

[u/Jansi_Ki_Rani → u/Andraystia]

I still remember vividly after purchasing a giant tub of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish from Costco, since my mum didn't often let me buy any, and coming home after a long day running errands with my dad, to my brother having eaten 90% of the box, and he laughed and said he didn't even enjoy/like them but he ate them all anyway.

[u/preyforall → u/Jansi_Ki_Rani]

And then you exacted a timely and commensurate revenge, right?

[u/Oatmeal-BaconGrease → u/TheAserghui]

Lived in apt style dorms back in the day, 6 ppl 3 bedrooms. Thought I lucked out, 1 was RA and had her own room as a perk, 1 paid extra not to have a roommate so 4 of us. The one who paid extra was a goddamn raccoon at night eating all our food while we slept and slept all day while we were doing classes. Worked swing shift at a restaurant her uncle owned and also ate there. Point being she was rarely around when the rest of us were, strategically avoiding us.

NEVER bought anything, just sponged off all of us for her daily needs. Whenever confronted she would say 'I owe you a Kielbasa' or 2 yogurts or can of spaghetti Os or shampoo/conditioner or whatever the hell she helped herself to the previous night.

Luckily she was kicked out of the dorm after 2 semesters for failing all her classes. What she didn't fail was the pregnancy test though. All she was after was the MRS degree and attempted to baby trap this guy. I say attempted because he disappeared not long after realized what a bum she was.

goodtimes

[u/SealedRoute → u/Oatmeal-BaconGrease]

This was extraordinarily vivid and entertaining, thank you

[u/hefferj → u/Oatmeal-BaconGrease]

We need more of your college stories.

[u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 → u/Oatmeal-BaconGrease]

"The MRS degree."

I love this and I'm going to steal it for future use.

[u/FatFaceFaster → u/TheAserghui]

Had a roommate who would never buy his own milk. He claimed he didn’t drink milk.

Except he ate cereal with milk.

And he drank White Russians.

So in other words he drank milk.

I’d buy a gallon and a few days later wake up to make myself some breakfast and Lo and behold it’s half empty.

I’d accuse him and he’d say “dude I had like the tiniest bit quit being so cheap”

And on a night we were drinking he’d be upstairs drinking with his annoying girlfriend in his room just fucking pounding White Russians and using 3L of my milk.

He would also eat our other roommates personal pan pizzas

Then he’d lose his shit if anyone didn’t immediately clean up their cookware after making dinner.

He was the worst.

[u/TheTrenchMonkey → u/FatFaceFaster]

White russians with milk instead of cream is lame behavior. Stealing said milk to make them is on another level.

[u/old-skool-bro → u/TheAserghui]

Oh I would and it'd either be undercooked or laced with laxatives. It's a fafo world brother.

[u/Ill-Percentage-3276 → u/[deleted]]

Like when they've been messing stuff up in the house, but once they clean an area and feel how much time and effort goes into it, they threaten everyone else not to mess it up lol

[u/Ihatemost → u/Ill-Percentage-3276]

Means you did something right! They're starting to learn to care about this stuff

[u/phonetastic → u/Ihatemost]

what if your child becomes so protective of the clean home and assets within they defend it at all costs and never allow you back inside

i know it sounds unlikely, but hear me out: .... what if?!

[u/Mysterious_Tutor_388 → u/phonetastic]

What if the ai we made to make paper clips turns us all into paper clips

[u/Teadrunkest → u/Mysterious_Tutor_388]

Clippy was time travelers from the future?? I knew he knew too much.

[u/enzothebaker87 → u/Teadrunkest]

He prefers to be called "Skynet" now. Whatever that means.

[u/EU_GaSeR → u/phonetastic]

My friends gave their kids some additional pocket money not for cleaning their rooms but for every evening their rooms were clean. They have started to defend their clean rooms.

[u/Ill-Percentage-3276 → u/EU_GaSeR]

That's a great idea!

[u/sigep0361 → u/phonetastic]

Your child might be a honey badger.

[u/JnnfrsGhost → u/Ill-Percentage-3276]

The first time my oldest mopped the floor and then my husband left his shoes on to walk through the house. His jaw dropped and it was "Daaaaaaad. I just mopped floor!!" Made him go back to the door and take his shoes off. I heard grumbles of "we don't wear our shoes in the house. What was Daddy thinking?" My son is 10.

[u/nightpanda893 → u/Ill-Percentage-3276]

My mom left us when I was 14. Did not take long for me to yell at my little brother to clean up after himself cause I knew no one else would do it and I didn’t want to live in a mess.

[u/wit_T_user_name → u/[deleted]]

One time when I was like 10 or 11, I bought a thing of snickerdoodles from a bakery stall. My dad asked for one and I for whatever reason got mad and said no. I still think about that sometimes and feel really bad.

[u/TheRealPitabred → u/wit_T_user_name]

Have you talked to your dad about that? I bet he's not upset about it. Don't beat yourself up ;) that's just how parenting and growing up goes.

[u/wit_T_user_name → u/TheRealPitabred]

I should mention it the next time I see him. I’m sure he’d laugh about it. Luckily, I have a very close relationship with him so I don’t think it bothered him too much.

[u/CherokeeHairTampons → u/wit_T_user_name]

Bring snickerdoodles

[u/Curious-Bother3530 → u/CherokeeHairTampons]

Then when he reaches for him yell NO and eat it all

[u/GiganticusVaginacus → u/Curious-Bother3530]

JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!

[u/AttackerLee → u/Curious-Bother3530]

r/Foundsatan

[u/JD42305 → u/wit_T_user_name]

I have similar guilt of a memory of being mad that I didn’t get a toy once. I brought it up to my mom and she didn’t remember it. Forgive yourself, but honestly feeling bad thinking about that memory is a good sign that you’re pretty well adjusted and considerate.

[u/finthir → u/wit_T_user_name]

The fact that you're feeling bad about it means you grew as a person.

[u/Original_Client1588 → u/finthir]

Do you share now though....I know a lady who doesnt

Asking for a friend

[u/wit_T_user_name → u/Original_Client1588]

I do! We both love bourbon and cigars and sharing my finds with him is one of my favorite things to do.

[u/BadPunsIsHowEyeRoll → u/wit_T_user_name]

All of the times my dad would stick his hand out for a snack and I'd turn away... When he was regularly giving me his last bites and sips... Right in the feels

[u/Wesley_Skypes → u/BadPunsIsHowEyeRoll]

I'm a dad, it is water off a ducks back. My daughters do this shit to me all the time and it does not even register as something to feel anything about. Just kids being kids. At this point, I ask just to troll them

[u/LivinTheDream_22 → u/wit_T_user_name]

LOL. As a parent (and grandparent) we do that just for the humor in it 99% of the time. We love you and enjoy sharing with our kids but find it very funny when it’s a battle for kids to ever share. Don’t feel bad at all, 99% of kids don’t share. We’re always shocked if they do. We sneak so much food behind your backs that you don’t have to feel bad. LoL

[u/Kindarelevanttoo → u/[deleted]]

In their defense, it’s your responsibility as the parent to feed them. It’s not their responsibility to feed you.

Ik your joking, but as someone who’s parents constantly try to use the fact they had to actually take care of me a little while I was a child to try to guilt trip me into buying them a bunch of things now that I’m an adult, it rubs me the wrong way when people say this about children.

You would think I should be eternally grateful that they actually decided to fucking feed me as a kid that can’t take care of themselves. And while yes it could have been worse and they could have been even shittier parents and just left me, there’s only so far that gratitude can extend before it becomes manipulative and controlling.

The parents decided to have kids and are responsible for taking care of them, not the other way around.

[u/jacobgrey → u/Kindarelevanttoo]

Parents shouldn't use it to manipulate their kids, and kids shouldn't treat it like its nothing either. I'm sorry your parents have soured that part of the relationship for you.

[u/Existing_Abies_4101 → u/Kindarelevanttoo]

Ik your joking, but as someone who’s parents constantly try to use the fact they had to actually take care of me a little while I was a child to try to guilt trip me into buying them a bunch of things now that I’m an adult, it rubs me the wrong way when people say this about children.

I'll never forget my first real payday. I went to go and buy an xbox 360 (I think it was?) and my mum intercepted me and made me give her every penny I had because I'd been living rent free for 17 years and I 'owed her back rent'. It happened about 3 times in a row then i quit my job. Figured I'd rather be more in debt to her than work my ass off and be financially exactly the same.

[u/Pro-Patria-Mori → u/[deleted]]

And how easily they forget to put the pizza in the refrigerator.

[u/Healthy-Beautiful533 → u/[deleted]]

Hey we didnt ask to be born, you were horny and now you have to deal with the consequences

[u/TheMooooonHauntsYou → u/[deleted]]

Give it to em. It's their first taste at being an adult.

[u/spacemouse21 → u/[deleted]]

The pride of learning ownership of one’s hard won, own things. Now don’t touch!!!

[u/Kundas → u/[deleted]]

For real my younger sister got s switch and wouldn't let me touch it for ages, tried to geab it while she was sleeping, she woke up and slapped my hand lol for context she's always played on my consoles, broke my psp, bought her 3ds and what not. Only about a year later she's chilled, and i managed to play some Pokémon champions lol

[u/your_moms_a_clone → u/[deleted]]

This is the reaction of someone who has a food thief in their house. Someone who always takes the leftovers you clearly stated you were going to have for lunch. Someone who takes the last slice of your favorite pizza. Someone who can't be trusted with a mere verbal warning that the brownies are for class tomorrow don't touch them.

[u/RewZes → u/[deleted]]

More like financial dependence

[u/Altephfour]

Buy your own pizza, eat most of it but add a slice to hers to really mess with her head.

[u/ShakeyLegsMcGee → u/Altephfour]

Absolutely this. Add a slice everyday until she goes insane.

[u/froo → u/ShakeyLegsMcGee]

I remember seeing a prank by guys that kept adding milk to their roommates milk who would measure like mad

[u/Basic-Winter3501 → u/froo]

Reminds me of the shampoo prank at beach showers where every time they rinse their head more gets poured on and they go crazy with how suddsy it is

[u/IGotHitByAHockeypuck → u/Altephfour]

That's kind of sweet, i want OP to do this now! It feels like subtle encouragement to tell OP's daughter she's doing a good job :))

[u/Sir_Earl_Jeffries]

The knife suggests I may have some of a slice..

[u/a_polarbear_chilling → u/Sir_Earl_Jeffries]

Cut 1/5 of each slice and eat them then assemble the rest together so that technically the number of slice is still equal and same size

[u/Careful-Lettuce9239 → u/a_polarbear_chilling]

Take entire pizza. Leave town, start new family.

[u/Original_Client1588 → u/Careful-Lettuce9239]

Run hide...dobt tell..ever..

Blame the cat.

[u/simpleyes → u/a_polarbear_chilling]

Is this pizza from the 1937 wedding of King Edward VIII and Wallace Simpson?

[u/MisterGoldenSun → u/simpleyes]

What does this mean? I bet it's clever but I don't get it.

[u/SethBacon → u/MisterGoldenSun]

Do you know what happens to a butter-based frosting after six decades in a poorly ventilated English basement?

[u/arcspectre17 → u/MisterGoldenSun]

Seinfeld reference. Elaine eats a cake that was really old and bought by her boss for alot of money.

[u/QuipOfTheTongue → u/simpleyes]

No, it's an Entenmann's.

[u/MrMastodon → u/Sir_Earl_Jeffries]

And for that slice she will acquire a pound of flesh

[u/Low-Carob9772]

Never provide a weapon to a thief.

[u/parking_pataweyo → u/Low-Carob9772]

Exactly. "I've got the knife now, so this my pizza."

[u/SteelGemini → u/parking_pataweyo]

Agreed. Devious minds think alike, I suppose, but my mind went straight to I'm taking the knife so "Now what, tough guy?" Maybe the kid's strapped and it's a trap, who knows.

[u/EarthRester → u/SteelGemini]

Exactly. Give the thief the room to prove violent intent so that you can justify a lethal response. It's perfect.

[u/TheFrontierzman]

What are the doodles under the stars?

[u/Toochilled → u/TheFrontierzman]

demonic incantations to protect her pizza DUH

[u/saltshaft → u/Toochilled]

The one on the right is obviously a pair of tits taking a shit.

[u/typeFinthechat → u/saltshaft]

I thought maybe dickbutt with dimples.

[u/Sancticide → u/saltshaft]

So it's less demonic, more Lovecraftian Eldritch horror? I feel like that's worse

[u/Terrorhub → u/TheFrontierzman]

Not sure I want to ask!

[u/Electrical-Papaya → u/Terrorhub]

We are in the process of moving and my 15 year old daughter wrote on her box of extra valuable stuff "Fragile, if anything is broken you will hear from my lawyer" along with smiley faces and a note reminding me to lift her 10lb box with my legs.

[u/AlgunasPalabras1707 → u/Electrical-Papaya]

I love the inclusion of smileys. Also she's right, items of any weight should be lifted with your legs. Because you're lifting the entire weight of your upper body at the same time.

[u/skiing123 → u/Terrorhub]

I think it's a curse, do you know any witches?

[u/marcophony → u/skiing123]

Their daughter

[u/DarthBrooks69420 → u/Terrorhub]

Looks like little faces like *:3

Probably wanted to make sure that you know she has pizzalust, not bloodlust (unless you eat a slice).

[u/bloodyNASsassin → u/Terrorhub]

Eyes. Eyes and a nose. For watching. I hope.

[u/dragonheart175 → u/TheFrontierzman]

They are little hand drawn ">:3" with tongues out, to show playfulness

[u/AndieC → u/dragonheart175]

Wow. I didn't know kids these days knew how to make 2008 style emojis. I definitely thought it was a boobie-penis.

[u/LongfellowBridgeFan → u/AndieC]

:3 is one of the few text based emoticons that has survived the test of time

[u/Sykil → u/LongfellowBridgeFan]

There honestly just isn’t a good emoji translation. Kissy face has the playfulness but can come off flirty to the wrong person.

[u/Enough_Efficiency178 → u/Sykil]

I feel that quite a few emojis have too much potential meaning to them

Text based emoticons are clearly superior :P

[u/tonyrizzo21 → u/TheFrontierzman]

Clearly turds from a butt.

[u/kryonik → u/tonyrizzo21]

Nipples on butt too.

[u/FoxyBastard → u/tonyrizzo21]

Butt with tramp-stamp.

Then butt with tramp-stamp taking a poop.

Pic

[u/FormerSperm → u/tonyrizzo21]

/r/poopfromabutt

[u/thegirlwhocolors → u/FormerSperm]

Yeah I’m not clicking that one 😂

[u/Individual-Jello-517 → u/thegirlwhocolors]

I'll check it for you.

Yeah, don't know what I expected....

[u/deekayjee → u/TheFrontierzman]

They look like silly cats :3 and one with a tongue

[u/tardis3134 → u/TheFrontierzman]

I assumed it was a :3

[u/DeadlyShock2LG → u/TheFrontierzman]

Pooping boobs, obviously.

[u/SteakGetter → u/TheFrontierzman]

This is an important question!

[u/_PeteRoss_ → u/TheFrontierzman]

That's a curse spell. You are fine as long as you don't open the box.

[u/Dirtsniffee → u/TheFrontierzman]

Tiddies

[u/Chomp3y]

Where's the "payed" bot when you need it?

[u/jokerjoust → u/Chomp3y]

Not getting paid

[u/fractal_magnets → u/jokerjoust]

Congratulations, it plaid itself

[u/FixMy106 → u/fractal_magnets]

That's what she sayed.

[u/Independent_Exam5207 → u/Chomp3y]

Poor girl has two N’s in her name, she was doomed to misspell from the start

[u/pandaplagueis → u/Independent_Exam5207]

Is there a less harsh r/tragedeigh?

[u/EmilioGVE → u/pandaplagueis]

r/tragedie

[u/Adorable_Ad4990 → u/Chomp3y]

Yeah. Come on OP. tell your daughter how to spell paid

[u/You_Misspelled_Paid → u/Chomp3y]

I didn’t shirk my duties, nor am I bot, I’m just not punctual. It seems like other people have this under control though

[u/LMGooglyTFY → u/Chomp3y]

OP needs to grade that note with a red pen and take a slice as a penalty.

[u/ITeachYourKidz]

Teach that kid about refrigeration

[u/cheezecake2000 → u/ITeachYourKidz]

*takes pizza out of fridge for better photo quality* gets shit on anyways

[u/Mediocre-Housing-131 → u/cheezecake2000]

The knife was in the fridge too? Or added for more points?

[u/IrohTheUncle → u/Mediocre-Housing-131]

The knife was in the fridge too?

Sure, knife isn't human head, you can keep it in the fridge for a while.

[u/recursivethought → u/IrohTheUncle]

Should you not keep a human head in the fridge for a while? Asking for a friend.

[u/nuunuunnuunuun → u/recursivethought]

That’s only something you can do at your best friend’s house

[u/Relative_Change2335 → u/Mediocre-Housing-131]

Hopefully not, knives turn rotten when refrigerated

[u/JalapenoPopPoop → u/Mediocre-Housing-131]

You know the answer

[u/AnRogue → u/cheezecake2000]

I don't think daughter put the box in the fridge with a knife. I could be wrong tho.

[u/GateauBaker → u/cheezecake2000]

Well then OP didn't "wake up to this" as the title suggested.

[u/48panda → u/cheezecake2000]

I mean, I thought it was lying on a muddy path for a second.

[u/ZeWhiteNoize → u/48panda]

I thought it was on a floor of a barn

[u/Low_Cook_5235 → u/ITeachYourKidz]

Teach kid how to spell paid.

[u/SociopathicPasserby → u/ITeachYourKidz]

When I was a kid my parents would leave pizzas/baked goods/etc. out on the stovetop or in the oven overnight, or sometimes for a day or two. Only when I got older and learned about food borne illness and proper food handling/treatment did I realize how not only nasty this is, but how potentially dangerous. As an adult I’d consider myself very strict about proper food safety and handling.

[u/Zawer → u/SociopathicPasserby]

Baked goods should be fine, no?

I've never heard of refrigerating cookies or brownies

[u/AtmosphereCreepy1746 → u/Zawer]

In theory, the main difference is that pizzas still contain a significant amount of water in the sauce. The toppings may also retain some water. There are multiple dangerous bacteria and molds that thrive on moist carbohydrates. This is why leaving rice and pasta out overnight is inadvisable. 

In practice, pizza is going to dry out whether or not you refrigerate it, so leaving it out overnight is not very dangerous. 

[u/themaincop → u/AtmosphereCreepy1746]

Pizza has cheese and often meat on it

[u/melkatron → u/themaincop]

The pepperoni is probably the only ingredient that's somewhat safe to leave out at room temperature. But I'm the weirdo host that bags up and refrigerates the pizza after two hours in the middle of a party.

[u/firthy → u/ITeachYourKidz]

And spelling

[u/SuperSchmyd]

How many of you leave pizza out vs putting pizza in the refrigerator?

[u/VironicHero → u/SuperSchmyd]

I feel like we’re going to learn the people that “randomly” get diarrhea or food poisoning…. And the people that have a pretty good idea of why they got sick.

[u/idrawinmargins → u/VironicHero]

I have a friend who doesn't understand why you refrigerate lots of foods. Always has the shits and blames it on everything but the food he eats that is left out. Like stale pizza.

[u/GLaDOS_Sympathizer → u/idrawinmargins]

I had a roommate that remembered he had a roast beef sandwich he left in his car the day before. I thought he got up to go throw it away so it doesnt stink up his car but nope, he went and grabbed it to eat!

It had mayo on it too, that detail especially makes my skin crawl... sun warmed mayo and roast beef sandwich sitting 24 hours in a car. I'm amazed he didn't get food poisoning or just outright die.

[u/willargue4karma → u/GLaDOS_Sympathizer]

some people have iron stomachs but that made my skin crawl

[u/IamJohnnyHotPants → u/idrawinmargins]

It’s stress!!!

[u/ExistingIncident7433 → u/VironicHero]

Never had any problems after eating counter pizza the next day. 

[u/hache-moncour → u/SuperSchmyd]

I just eat my pizza

[u/systdow666wastaken → u/SuperSchmyd]

comes out of the box goes in a baggie before it, dries out and gets worse

[u/kanrad → u/SuperSchmyd]

Goes right in the fridge and part is left on purpose. That sweet slice of cold Pizza the next day is the cherry on the pie.

[u/HenTeeTee]

Explain the difference between PAYED and PAID to her, then take a slice as payment for the grammar & spelling lesson.

[u/DeuceyBoots → u/HenTeeTee]

For all us uneducated folk:

"Payed" is an extremely rare and specialized word used almost exclusively in nautical contexts. It refers to the act of letting out a rope in a controlled way or sealing the seams of a wooden ship with pitch or tar to make it watertight.

[u/Successful-Peach-764 → u/DeuceyBoots]

There was a bot that replied to each instance of "payed" with the definition, don't see it as much, those kinda bots aren't around as much since the api changes, now we got more of the insidious bots trying to make us hate each other.

[u/KaffY- → u/HenTeeTee]

caitlynn

i don't think the parents care too much about that tbh

[u/Promethia → u/HenTeeTee]

TIL what payed means.

[u/Spez_is-a-nazi → u/Promethia]

Maybe she covered the pizza in tar.

[u/pAndrewp → u/HenTeeTee]

That’s quite the pitch

[u/MC_Queen → u/HenTeeTee]

This was the comment I looking for

[u/Majestic-Bake1868]

Can’t even begin to explain the rage I felt with my first minimum wage paying job ($7.25) when I used most of my check for the bus to get to and from work, and my last dollars for food I actually like. I bought a box of popsicles and came home to none in the freezer. I didn’t even get to taste a single popsicle from the box I bought. I know i grew up eating the food my parents provided, but they never considered getting snacks I enjoy or getting food I’m not allergic to. This was my first big win, and I quit right after that because what was the point?

[u/Cuddles-and-Cookies → u/Majestic-Bake1868]

And that anger is so fucking valid.

[u/Falonefal → u/Majestic-Bake1868]

Your parents had an opportunity to have you learn the reward of work and they failed collossally.

[u/PositiveResort6430 → u/Majestic-Bake1868]

I don't think parent should take snacks young teens get for themselves they have SUCH limited funds and its their first time being able to actually get things for themselves. Let them enjoy it!

[u/Reload86 → u/Majestic-Bake1868]

That's a valid crash out.

[u/Dime332]

I worked an overnight shift and a coworker and I would pitch money together and order food and put the leftovers in the fridge for the next day. The morning crew would always devour our leftovers until we woke up and chose violence. One night we ordered a pizza and when we put it in the fridge we stuck a note on it that said “we each licked one slice, we know which one it is but you don’t choose your slice wisely!” Then signed our names at the bottom. We came in the next day and we had a blast at lunch that night laughing while splitting our pizza

[u/fe_iris → u/Dime332]

Morning crew i work with would have no shame and eat it regardless

[u/Clawless → u/Dime332]

That's not choosing violence. Choosing violence is covering that pizza in hot peppers under an innocent layer of cheese, or even worse some sort of delayed reaction item.

It's not poison if the food is obviously intended for yourself and someone steals it.

[u/CullenOrZeus]

Food aggression.

[u/SandyToes-Sun → u/CullenOrZeus]

Resource guarding. 

[u/Mauser-Nut91]

Good time to teach your daughter that it’s “paid” not “payed”

[u/yelhmoo]

This means your kid is confident enough in your relationship to say no. I wouldn’t have said no (and didn’t). My mom took advantage financially when I got reparations from a car accident and I ended up paying thousands for rent and other stuff for her. Yes, this post is hilarious and I don’t mean to trauma dump, I just wanted to send a reminder that as silly as this is, it’s truly a good thing that she feels safe enough to threaten you over a pizza lol

[u/readsomething1968 → u/yelhmoo]

I came here to say this. Caitlynn is young and learning and worked HARD for that pizza. She is proud of it.

My parents would have murdered me for having the audacity to put my name on anything in their house.

[u/MushroomCulture]

If you take one bite from every piece, the total number of pieces will still be the same, so she won't know.

[u/IH8DwnvoteComplainrs]

Bro gotta teach his kid about food safety.

[u/Calm-Bathroom-2030]

new boss in the house arrived

[u/LongNailedbooboos]

Perfect. Just make sure she knows it’s “paid” not “payed”

[u/Rebelhero]

It's time.

shes's ready to learn about the dad tax.

[u/180secondideas → u/Rebelhero]

Oh man the dad tax is legit. When my son was 16 he told me he'd never actually had his own order of fries in his entire life. Every bag has the top eaten out of it on the way home by yours truly. I felt so bad, I actually stopped his dad tax that day.

[u/ThisIsMyCouchAccount → u/180secondideas]

It's kind of crazy how most of us remember stuff like this from our youth but then forget when their own kids pop up.

There were so many things I hated as a child that my parents and adults did to me because I was the youngest. Or just they're the adult and I was younger.

[u/MisterGoldenSun → u/180secondideas]

I take exactly one (1) fry.

[u/HowBoutAFandango]

“I know how many slices are in here” is sending me

[u/gatsujoubi → u/HowBoutAFandango]

She knows how many slices, but does she remember how big each one was? Just cut off a thin strip of each slice.

[u/artnos]

Big brother is eating this and he is not hungry

[u/Indole75]

I had no idea eating pizza left overnight on the counter was certain death until reading these comments. Apparently I’ve been dead for decades.

[u/Boilermakingdude → u/Indole75]

Right? Been eating overnight and sometimes overnight and full day out pizza for years lmfao.

[u/yungingr]

My nephew used to put similar notes on his food - treats he got for birthdays, etc.

Because my brother-in-law had zero self control, and would eat any food that was available.

Kind of breaks your heart to see a 6 year old writing a note to put on a special treat (a cookie he got for a school activity or something), saying "Dad, please don't eat my cookie"

I really hope your daughters note is not based in the same experience.

[u/FecklessFool]

sic the payed bot on her

[u/Free_Dependent_9177]

I salute her for it. When u have siblings or parents that will eat the stuff u bought but the will complain if someone else eats their stuff you gotta do what u gotta do

[u/water-tr4sh]

Room temp counter pizza. The best

[u/Garukkar]

That's a Caitlynn alright

[u/MrZeven]

Food guarding behavior. You want to train that out early. 😄

[u/Tapingdrywallsucks → u/MrZeven]

Take the pizza away and make her sit before you give it back. Then put your hand in it and shake it around while she's eating. 

Works like a charm until she stabs you with that knife.

[u/ThisIsMyCouchAccount → u/Tapingdrywallsucks]

Probably get her fixed too. Just in case.